Gone forever. Never forgotten.

Every moment your heart is moved is precious. Stop everything else you’re doing & pay careful attention.

 

One last heartbeat, one last breath, and then silence. Nothing. 7.45am this morning. February 8 2010

 

This morning our beautiful Granny took her last breath and left us all. She finally believed us that we’d be okay, and went on to be with Poppy. Pain free. I am so glad to see her fly free at last. But I miss her so dearly. The mere thought that I will never see her face to face again is a physical pain. So deep.

 

I have the need, the desire to write so much, but not the words to say. The last few days have been the most emotional days I have ever experienced as a person. I am forever changed from this experience.

 

My husband. I am so very proud of him. Oh how it pained him to see his Granny, a mere shell of the vibrant woman she once was, lying helpless on that hospital bed. However he was determined that he would be there for her as much as physically possible. He kept a bedside vigil, pulling a couple of 24 hour stints just so she would feel his presence. He left the hospital this morning at 7am. Granny passed at 7.45am. I believe this to be her final gift to him. She has always been thoughtful like that. 

 

To be surrounded, almost bombarded by people in her final hours. Surely that is a testament to what a beautiful person she was. Her Sons, her daughter, her brother & sisters, her grandchildren, great grandchildren and friends. Granny touched the lives of so many, and so many wanted to give the only gift they could. Love. It was palpable, you could actually feel the love as it surrounded this amazing, wonderful woman. When it’s my turn to go, I can only hope to be surrounded by the amount of love as what Granny was. Even the nurses were commenting on how lovely it was to see so many around her bedside.

 

There are so many moments that will stay with me forever. So good, some bad, some just plain beautiful. But before I get into them I need to say a huge thank you. The love my family and I have been surrounded in these past few days has been just the biggest blessing. My sister Hayley, and her husband Shaun watched the kids for me yesterday afternoon / evening which allowed me to go and sit. Sit next to Peter, next to Granny and spend a few hours just being. My sister in law Catherine, took my older 3 on friday and let them sleep over, while Shana had Declan. That enabled us to spend the entire night with Granny. Holding her hand. I will be forever grateful for that gift.

 

A few of the standout moments for me:

Great Uncle Mel. Granny’s brother. He is one of the best story tellers I have ever met. Thank you for lightening the mood. Granny would have laughed along with us at your stories.

Thurs afternoon, Uncle Brett (I think), thinking he’s doing the right thing leans over to Granny and says, “Mum I love you, it’s time for you to be with Dad. Just go to sleep.” Granny struggles to open her eyes and says, “I’m not going anywhere yet.”! LOL oh poor Brett!

Fri evening, Granny asking for her boys one by one. She could do no more then whisper their names. But she looked into their eyes, and they into hers, words didn’t need to be spoken. Raw emotion did the job.

Fri around midnight, Granny briefly woke, my cousin Bronwyn took her hand and told Granny she loved her. Granny mouthed back “I love you” and made kiss lips, Pete then said, “Granny, it’s Pete here. I love you so much”, to which she raised her hand and simply placed it on his cheek.

 

There are so many more, but right now, it pains me too much to write about them.

 

Aunty Jacky & Uncle John. You guys are my new found heros. Aunty Jacky, I can not imagine how hard it has been for you watching your mother slowly slip away, yet you stood by, a strong firm rock at her side. You did everything you possibly could to make sure she was comfortable and relaxed. You have taught me so much about love, true, unwavering love, these last few days. John, being the constant support that Jacky needed. Just so beautiful to watch. You guys are amazing and I love you so much.

 

Bronwyn, you beautiful soul. I would cry, just simply seeing your face. You’re no good at hiding your feelings! But I so strongly admire the fact that it hurt, it hurt you so bad, yet you stayed with her, made her comfortable and spoke to her as often as you could. The most beautiful gift you could ever give your Granny. I will hold our time spent together Friday night close to my heart forever.

 

Uncle Brett & Gen. Your strength is astounding. I will so deeply cherish Sunday afternoon spent with you Pete & Granny. Brett the tenderness in the way you spoke to your Mum, the love in your eyes. It is something I will never forget. Gen, I could see how much you love Granny, for her to put her trust in you and to look after her “Little Brett” shows just how much she loved you in return. You are a beautiful person, not only a blessing to Uncle Brett, but to all of us.

 

Ayla. Wow. There is literally nothing more I can say. This young woman is a single mother to 2 beautiful children. She would be a Mum during the day, then once the kids were in bed, she’d have somebody watch them and spend the night with Granny. She didn’t ever have to say much. You could see by her actions how deeply she cared for her Granny. You are an inspiration Ayla. I count myself blessed to have been able to spend so much time with you.

 

Uncle Robert, Uncle Mark & Uncle Dean, you beautiful people. To watch you bathe your Mum in love and kindness, was truly a beautiful sight. To see big, almost burley, grown men treat their Mum with the upmost respect and most of all love, well it’s not something that you see every day.

 

All the cousins, grandchildren & great grandchildren I have met over the last few days. You guys are simply beautiful. To stop your busy lives to come and spend time with Granny. Thank you.

 

And finally I can not do a blog post with out a couple of photos. 

 

Firstly the stupid parking ticket machine. Oh how I grew to hate this machine! The amount of money this stupid machine devoured…

 

The corridor, the dreaded corridor. The first walk down, not knowing what would await our arrival. The subsequent walks, never knowing what was just around the corner. Late night pacing. Pulling myself together in this corridor so I could sit next to Granny with a smile.

 

And finally, the Granny I will always remember.

 

She didn’t find a cure for aids, didn’t stop world hunger and she didn’t cause world peace. However she was a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a great grandmother, and above all, she was a friend. And in that she was the best friend a person could ask for. 

 

RIP Granny. Love you always. xxx

 

*NB* – Thank you to all my clients for your support during this time. The emails and texts I have received have meant  so much. I aim on getting through the backlog of emails of the next couple of days and blogging will resume as normal.